The Jack Daniels Webster Dictionary of GolfPrick Quotes,
Terminology, and Malapropisms
(New entries are in red)
Aiming fluid or aiming medicine – alcohol or
other substance used to improve targeting
Bates – something very similar to ‘bets’
"Blue is
black" -
Big Boy attempting to describe
a color-coded back pin position."
Booger Crook – an attractive Orlando dog
track burger cook from a drunken golfprick’s perspective
Clummoxed - a
Jacky-ism only he knows the meaning.
Combo
putt - A putt reminiscent of a Jacky Wayne explosion putt and Budreaux
CRCS directional putt combined - The Colonel
Creeple – what a ball does on a green while
creeping and trickling
Crab - prize for having the last shot into a sand trap in
a round - cost = $1 per man
Duck - prize for having the last shot in the water of a
round - cost = $1 per man
Deadpan – ground with no grass on the golf
course, sometimes confused with hardpan
Diagra driver - a new
driver invented to correct directile dysfunction
Directile Dysfunction or DD – a golfprick
impotent
targeting problem
Directionally challenged - same as directile
dysfunction and towards is off
Dotstitute - same as
dot whore, dot bastard, bennetizer - name for player who only wins money in the
dot game
Explicatives –
profanities used by golfpricks on the golf course and elsewhere
E Z Putting Trainer – see Jacky Swing
Trainer below – same
inventor
Fescue club – rescue club used from the
rough
Fried pie – a bad lie in the sand, confused
with a fried egg
Futility club – hybrid utility club
Green Nervine – see Aiming fluid, delineated by
brand
Groinocologist
- a physician closely akin to a gynecologist (Big Boy's fictional
identity). - The
Colonel
Hindlick maneuver –
something a golfprick needs when gagging or choking on the golf course
Hindsight is 50-50 – term used after
under-clubbing, over-clubbing, or misreading a putt
"I'd rather just pay $20
than listen to this shit"
""If
it's not short, it's there." -
Eazy describing a Big Boy shot.
Improvisational ball – a provisional ball
IQ is 20-20 – a keen foresight
‘It’s Showtime’ - a statement by a golfprick
generally involving water foretelling great hilarity and very similar in end result to hearing a
redneck say “Hey, watch this”
Jacky Round – minimum score of 95 containing
at least 4 birdies winning 5 or more scats
Jacky Swing Trainer – a golf training device
developed by Golf Guru Big Boy, G.S.G., G.F.U. consisting of a headless driver
shaft and grip sometimes applied during play
LDB - an EZ-ism
abbreviation for "limp-dick-bastard" after coming up short on a birdie putt.
Liquid lunch aka pork
chop in a bottle - a Jackyism
Liquid Tempo - see Aiming fluid
Maxtimum
- sort of kind of a lot, more than the maximum -
The Colonel
"My ball is afraid of the dark." - meaning
"I can't make a putt."
Open-faced sandwedge – a swiped and flared
approach shot
Optional illusion -
self-explanatory
Orthodontics -
The support thingies that go
in Little Boy's shoes - Little Boy
Premo – a Diggerism
meaning promo
Relignment - meaning alignment
Scooter - a typical Big Boy
three-feet-off-the-ground drive
Sittle – verbal
command telling a ball to sit and settle simultaneously
Skank – a cross between and sculled shot and
a shank
Snachos
- the nightly Hampton Inn freebie food offering formerly known as nachos
- Little Boy
Snake - prize for having the last three-putt of a round
- cost = $1 per man
Splatterjoys - a GolfPrick's
"soiled" golf shoes
Stimulator - a Ralph
Squirrels hangout - the
GolfSmith launch monitor/simulator
Tenacy - short for tendency
"This card has more letters than numbers"
–
uttered by a golfprick while assigning the snake, the crab and the duck
following play
"This course has too much grass." - after a
bad shot from the rough
Threemore putter -
name given to Ralph Squirrels' new Seemore putter after a nine 3-putt round.
Towards is off - same as
directionally-challenged or directile dysfunction
Trajectomy – the
flight of a golfprick golfball
Tribbling - a cross between trickling and
dribbling, an Eazyism.
Tricklish - a tricky and
ticklish putt - the Colonel
Trinkling - the same as 'creepling".
“Turning it around a full 360” – a pacmanism
Variety pack – see Crab, Duck, & Snake
above, if you end up with all three, you
pay double
Winkest leak - a partner whose scores
are a non-factor
Wussilie - description of
a weak-ass putt
"You couldn't cut
one with a whole set of Ginsu knives." - a description of KA's attempt
to hit a fade. - The Colonel (Somewhat akin to "You couldn't draw one
with a box of Crayolas and a degree from the Nozzi School of Art.")
‘You just need to play better’
- a golfprick
statement usually following a very expensive day
Jackyisms
"You should've been born twenty years older."
Said when discussing advantages from playing from the gold tees.
"This putt won't do anything you
don't make it do."
"I think I decelebrated on that putt."
"My putter won't
always do what my brain is thinking"
"If you ever come back here you better have
a 7 man game because I’m gonna be sick …"
"If you're playing 36, you better be able to
get 7 people in one van."
"I hate this hole … I just hit 5 perfect
shots and made 6"
"My driver is too ‘sparodic’ to hit on this
hole."
"I was too precautious on that putt."
“It doesn’t break until it stops”
"It’s not how you arrive it’s how you get
there"
"I know when I’ve been drinking if I’m
drunk."
“This putt doesn’t break as much as it
thinks it does.”
“This putt is quicker than it thinks.”
"Womelet" - a hangover breakfast menu item
aka a western omelot
"178 can’t beat 165"
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